ブログで愚痴ります・・

現在38歳の主婦で自宅で仕事をしています。

家族構成は、夫と4歳の年少の息子と3人で暮らしていますが、

子供が生まれてからずっと不安で悩んでいることとしては

やはりこれからの経済的なことです。

 

 

夫は警備員の仕事をしていて、年収も300万円程度で

生活はギリギリで、車の車検など大きなお金が動くときなどは

私の貯金を切り崩していたのですが,

もうそれもそろそろ底をつきそうで、

息子の幼稚園にかかる養育費も出せいないために

私の親が3年間分負担してくれました。

 

 

もちろん、息子を保育園に入れて私が働きに出れば,

その分家計は楽になるのですが、子供が小さいときの成長は

その時にしか楽しめないことと夫は泊まり仕事が多く,

毎月の半分は家に帰ってこないことから、

家を完全に開けて働くことは難しく、子供が病気になったり,

何かあった時には実家の両親に預けるしかありません。

 

 

実家の両親は都内に住んでいて電車で1時間半程度の

ところに住んでいるので頼むこともできますが、

「小さいうちはなるべくそばにいて育ててあげなさい」

という父の言葉に甘えて、私は細々とライティングの仕事を

しながら家計を助けています。

 

夫の給料が急に上がることはなく、だからと言って転職したり,

今以上に負担のかかる仕事をすることは無理なので

(以前うつ病を患っていました)、やはり私が働いて稼いで

いくしかないのですが、家を出て働くようになって果たして

毎日回るのかという不安があります。

 

 

そうでもしなければ生活できない人もいると思いますが、

幸い公団に住んでいるので住宅ローンの心配はないとはいえど,

その日暮らしの毎日で貯蓄もほとんどできないために非常に不安です。

 

 

夫は、稼ぎが少ないからその分節約しようという人ではなく,

それなりに贅沢しない中でも外食したり好きなものを買ったり

するのは仕方ないという考えで、将来のことをどこまで考えているのか,

あるいはまったく考えていないのではないのかと心配になります。

 

 

現在は夫も働いていてある程度稼いでいるので家賃も払えていますが、

年金暮らしになった場合に,ここで家賃を払いながら生活できるのか

という不安もあります。

 

 

先々のことを考えれば考えるだけ不安になってしまい、

経済的な面から子供も一人までと決めているのですが,

本音を言えばもう一人くらい育てたかったと考えています。

 

ただ、自分も働きながら夫が泊まりでいない状態で

二人目を育てていくのはかなり厳しいものがあり、

何となく本気で二人目を作ろうとは夫にも言えない雰囲気です。

 

 

そんなに不安ならじっくりと夫と話し合えばよいと思うのですが、

私は話すのが下手で言いたいことが,うまく伝わらず,

結局どうしたかったのかという結論までもっていけずに,

また平行線になってしまうのではないかと思うと、

夫としっかり相談するのも難しいところと言えます。

 

 

私は特に資格も持っていないので、パートぐらいの仕事しか

できませんし,稼げる額も目に見えているし,

働いた分貯蓄に回せずまた夫に徴収されるのではないかと思うと、

働きに出ることはただ私の負担が増えていくだけなのでは,

と思ってしまい働きに行くのも躊躇してしまいます。

 

 

夫の稼ぎが少ないことは、結婚する前から明らかだったので,

いまさらと思いますが、子供を持つようになって状況が

変われば気持ちも変わってきて、もっと稼ぎが欲しいと

考えるようになりました。

 

 

他のママ友たちのように、新築を構えて子供も2人いて

という人がいると羨ましく感じる毎日がつらいです。

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